How to Give Yourself Permission To Struggle (Evolve)


Having moved many times in my life, I’d grown accustomed to the (hidden) benefit of starting over—zero expectations. When you’re brand new to a community, they don’t know what to expect, and so you have a chance to try on new behaviors and beliefs.

Changing the way we show up for people who have come to expect certain behaviors and beliefs is far more challenging then starting fresh. Having relationships that are deep and meaningful can create expectations that may easily halt our growth, lest we lose the people we hold dear to us.

When expectations are deeply rooted, and any deviation from the norm causes discomfort, our tendency is to hold tightly to worn out patterns. It’s easier to let the urge to evolve pass than it is to risk the possibility of losing the people we love.

Yet, change is the only real constant, and it’s necessary for living life. I suppose that’s why they say that some people show up in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The problem is that we get attached to the people we call friends, and often seek to force “a lifetime” onto those who were really meant for a reason or a season.

Unable to understand what’s really happening, we hold tightly to our friendships and unconsciously smash the flower of change braving its way to the surface. Unaware that acceptance begins on the inside, we search for approval on the outside. Their confused and uncomfortable expressions taunt us back into old patterns.

This is why moving helps us grow. Moving allows us to create ourselves anew, with much less fear of loss. New friends, colleagues, and bosses are void of expectations, freeing us to try on new behaviors and beliefs—ones more fitting for our own evolution.

Of course the problem with too much “new” is the lack of depth offered by time and experiences. Fortunately, for most of us, the potential for change on the inside is far greater than change in location. So, the real question becomes, how do we graciously allow for evolution in our own minds, bodies, and spirits?

In next weeks post, we are going to discuss this very topic: how to evolve, graciously.

Here’s to Your Greatness,

Misti Burmeister

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