Over the past few weeks, I’ve been revisiting notes and reflections from years of therapy. These notes are filled with lessons that have shaped how I communicate, lead, and connect with others. They capture countless pearls of wisdom that have influenced my approach to leadership and mentorship in profound ways.
As I look back on this collection of insights, I’ve realized how much there is to share—not just for my own growth, but for others who are navigating the complexities of leadership communication. Over the next several months, I’ll be sharing some of these pearls of wisdom, along with reflections on how they apply to leadership, particularly when it comes to difficult conversations and fostering trust.
Among these lessons, one in particular stands out as foundational to any form of connection or leadership success. It’s deceptively simple yet profoundly impactful: nothing is more powerful than relatedness.
Relatedness is not just a personal concept. It’s a fundamental practice for leaders, especially when guiding others through challenges or navigating difficult conversations. It’s the invisible thread that connects us when we lower our defenses, choose vulnerability, and meet others with humility and courage. This was a lesson brought to life for me in a recent interaction with Janet, someone who looks to me for mentorship.
What Does It Take to Be Relatable as a Mentor or Leader?
Relatability is often misunderstood. It’s not about having all the answers or projecting authority; it’s about connection. It’s about meeting people where they are, and recognizing that shared humanity carries far more weight than maintaining a facade of perfection.
To truly be relatable, especially as a mentor, you have to lower your guard. It requires humility to acknowledge what you don’t know and admit when you’re wrong. It takes courage to move beyond the comfort of authority and instead walk alongside someone in their challenges. And most importantly, it requires vulnerability—to share your own missteps and uncertainties, so the other person feels understood and empowered.
But that’s not always easy. Relatability asks us to step into discomfort, relinquish control, and trust that the other person is capable of finding their way forward. It’s in these moments of shared trust and respect that connection deepens, growth occurs, and confidence is built.
This reminds me of a recent conversation I had with Janet, one that taught me an invaluable lesson about the power of relatedness.
The Mentor-Mentee Moment That Taught Me
Janet is incredibly resourceful and resilient. Right now, she’s in the midst of renovating her home under some challenging circumstances. She doesn’t yet have a working kitchen, bathroom, or proper heating, and her budget to complete the work is very limited. Still, she’s determined
and unafraid of hard work.
Janet didn’t call me seeking solutions or advice about how to overcome these hurdles. She simply wanted to share her struggle. She described the difficulties she’d been facing and the ways she was trying to piece things together. Sometimes, we don’t need actionable advice—we need to be heard, seen, and understood.
However, instead of just being present and listening fully, I found myself instinctively stepping into problem-solving mode. I suggested she take a bold step out of her comfort zone by practicing the act of asking for help from others. “If you know someone who might have extra materials lying around, just ask if you can take it off their hands,” I told her. It felt like practical advice to help her expand her options, but I soon realized my suggestion wasn’t what she truly needed.
A few days later, Janet reached out again. This time, she wasn’t just sharing her struggle. She was grappling with the guidance I had given her. She explained that she wanted to follow through on my suggestion but found herself conflicted. She debated asking for help from a man she knew with a truck but quickly expressed her hesitations.
“After your suggestion to ask for help, my best friend said that maybe I should ask the guy who bothers me every morning at the restaurant. I don’t really enjoy talking to him, but maybe I can tolerate talking to him in the 20 minute drive to the hardware store. I mean, I don’t really trust him,” she said. “It doesn’t feel right to ask him for help, and I really don’t want him knowing where I live.”
Hearing her discomfort stopped me in my tracks. I realized that I had unintentionally added confusion and stress to her situation. By jumping in with a solution, I had made the conversation about action when what Janet needed was understanding and encouragement.
The Leadership Lesson in Empowerment
Later that day, as I reflected on our conversation, I saw my mistake clearly. I had allowed my discomfort with her challenges to push me into fixing mode. I had focused more on resolving what I saw as her problem than on empowering her to move forward in a way that felt right for her.
The next day, I called Janet back. I apologized for unintentionally adding stress to her already complicated situation.
“as a human being who cares very much for you, I was having a very difficult time tolerating your discomfort, and so I jumped into problem-solving mode,” I told her. “The truth is, you understand what feels right better than anyone else. I trust you, and I’m here to support you as you figure it out. Please accept my apology.”
Her response stayed with me. She felt immense relief and gratitude—not because I’d solved the situation, but because I had stepped back and recognized her ability to solve it for herself.
This is the heart of mentorship and leadership. It isn’t about rushing to provide answers or resolve dilemmas. It’s about cultivating trust, honoring the other person’s capabilities, and walking with them rather than ahead of them.
Applying Relatedness to Leadership Communication
This was a powerful reminder for me as both a leader and a communicator. Effective communication, especially in difficult conversations, isn’t about control or authority. It’s about connection. It’s about fostering dialogue, asking thoughtful questions, and empowering others to find their own solutions.
When leaders rush to fix, we unintentionally undermine the strengths of those we guide. But when we approach others with humility and trust, we give them the tools and confidence to thrive on their terms.
Here are a few ways to cultivate relatedness in your leadership communication, especially when mentoring others or guiding teams through challenging conversations.
- Listen Fully Before Responding
Sometimes, people simply need to be heard. Resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Instead, create space where they feel fully understood and supported.
- Ask Questions Instead of Offering Answers
Empowerment often comes through self-discovery. Questions like “What feels most aligned for you?” or “What options do you see?” shift the focus back to the other person’s wisdom and instincts.
- Own Your Missteps
When we overstep or rush to advice-giving, acknowledging it can strengthen trust. Being willing to admit mistakes shows humility and openness.
- Show Trust in Their Abilities
Explicitly communicate your belief in their strengths. Phrases like “I trust you to figure this out” or “You have everything it takes” can go a long way in building confidence.
Nothing Is More Powerful Than Relatedness
At its core, relatedness is about connection and trust. It’s about meeting others not as problems to fix but as individuals with their own wisdom, strength, and resourcefulness.
This is the essence of leadership communication. It moves beyond authority or control. It’s about creating the conditions for others to thrive, make decisions, and grow.
Reflecting on my years of therapy and the lessons they’ve taught me, this pearl of wisdom remains one of the most impactful truths I’ve come to understand. Nothing is more powerful than relatedness.
Over the coming months, I’ll be sharing more of these pearls of wisdom and reflecting on how they apply to leadership and communication. These are lessons learned not only in therapy but also in life, work, and mentoring relationships.
How do you cultivate relatedness in your leadership or mentoring? I invite you to reflect on your approach, and I’d love to hear your insights or stories. Feel free to share in the comments or reach out directly.