Have you ever found yourself irritated with a service provider, or maybe even someone on your team, who isn’t quite prioritizing you (or their work) the way they should? I mean, you are paying them after all… they should want to do a good job, right? If they’re not going to show up and do their work, then why are you paying them? 

This is exactly what went through my mind as I stood across the small, aroma-filled, massage room from Brenda, a woman I was about to pay a hefty fee for a 90-minute deep-tissue massage. Let me explain… 

When I first got to Brenda’s office, I could tell that something wasn’t right, but I didn’t know what. Was she just frazzled because she was running behind schedule, I wondered. Watching her storm in and out of the massage room, exhaling intensely as she pulled the sheets on the table, I got concerned. 

Just Do Your Job 

“Are you okay?” I asked, silently wishing she would get her shit together so that I could get the help I needed. 

“I’m fine,” she said, “it’s just my body. It’s sick.” 

Then why are you here? I don’t want to get sick! I thought before asking if we should we reschedule. 

“No, no… I just need to get started. Once I get started, I’ll be okay,” she said in a tone that made me wonder if she was pushing herself because she needed the income. 

A Warm Body or a Motivated Human

Most people show up for work because they need income, but most jobs require more than a warm body. When we hire someone to do a job, generally we want them to do a good job, to be easy to work with, and to care about producing excellent results. When they don’t quite live up to our expectations, it’s easy to reach for—“I am paying you to do a job… do your job!” This strategy rarely (if ever) works. We don’t do better by being made to feel worse. We do better when we feel cared about, supported, and challenged. 

Moments before I asked about her specific symptoms (I didn’t want to get sick!), I noticed she was fighting back tears. 

“What’s going on, Brenda? Are you okay?” I asked. 

Releasing the brakes on her tears, she shared, “I just found out I have ovarian cancer.” 

“Shit!” I said, pulling her in for a hug.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s been a couple of days since they did the biopsy. It’s only stage one, but …” she said, pausing to take a breath, trying to pull herself together. 

Being Human Can Be Scary 

“I would be scared too,” I said, pushing back my own concerns about either not getting the help I needed, or paying a hefty fee for a stressful (and crappy) massage. 

A few moments later, Brenda took a couple of long, slow, inhales and exhales. “Alright,” she said, “let me go sage the shit out of myself. I’ll be back and we can get started.” 

While I wasn’t entirely sure what “sage-ing the shit out of herself” meant, something inside of me knew she was ready to focus on doing her job. And ready, she was! As it turns out, taking a few minutes to offer her comfort and support netted me one of the best massages she has ever given me. 

Rather than demanding better results (or to get what we paid for), try doing a bit of investigating. What you are likely to find is someone who is struggling, and might just need a hug, some training, or maybe a different job… one more suited to their natural talents. By focusing on helping them succeed, even though you are paying them to do a job, you will get a more dedicated and engaged employee or service provider.

Here’s to your greatness,

Misti Burmeister

Misti Burmeister helps companies and leaders motivate and inspire excellence. For nearly 20 years, she has facilitated communication that results in trust, increasing engagement and productivity across generations. Make sure your communication is coming across the way you intend, visit https://www.MistiBurmeister.com