Yesterday, I had a conversation with someone whose precision and clarity left me inspired—but also wrestling with a nagging wave of self-doubt. His name is Vinny, and I had hoped our talk would uncover fresh opportunities or even spark a collaboration. Instead, what I walked away with was an unexpected reflection on the ways we compare ourselves to others, and how that comparison can spark doubt while, strangely enough, pushing us toward clarity.
Vinny shared his “two sets of threes”: three questions he believes everyone asks themselves and three motivations that drive people in their work. He delivered his thoughts so effortlessly, like a seasoned performer laying down a script he’s recited countless times. I admired that clarity, that razor-sharp ability to articulate his ideas. And then, as conversations tend to do, he turned the spotlight on me.
“What are you teaching about these days?”
Cue the panic.
My mind raced, searching for words, and maybe more painfully, for answers. You’d think after years spent speaking, writing, and coaching, I would flow effortlessly into a compelling response. But instead, I froze. Unlike Vinny, I don’t have my message wrapped up in a polished bow, ready to be presented with bullet points and sound bites.
He must have sensed my unease because he kindly directed the conversation elsewhere. But for me, the moment stuck. It followed me after the call ended, looping over and over like a broken record in my brain. That’s when self-doubt started creeping in, as it always does, armed with its predictable arsenal of “why bother?” questions.
Why am I even doing this?
What’s the point? Someone else is already doing it better.
Who do I think I am to claim a seat at this table?
The Thief of Joy
Those questions are always rooted in the same trap: comparison. And as the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy.
I wasn’t doubting my abilities in a vacuum. The doubt emerged precisely because I was stacking myself up next to Vinny, someone who I perceived as “having it all together.” His three points felt like a spotlight shining on my lack of a neatly packaged message. But comparison doesn’t just steal joy; it steals creativity, confidence, and the ability to show up as ourselves.
Here’s the thing, though. The jealousy I felt wasn’t random. Jealousy rarely is. If we’re willing to look closely, jealousy has a way of pointing straight to our unmet desires. It says, “Look here. This matters to you.”
And it does. I care deeply about my work as a speaker, writer, and coach. I want my voice to resonate deeply. I want my message to transform. But in those post-call moments, I forgot all of that.
Thankfully, I shared my doubt with my wife, and her response was like a knock on my heart’s door.
“Misti, you don’t have a set of three because that’s not how you create talks. You like to craft each one from scratch, tailored to the audience,” she reminded me.
Something clicked when she said that. She was absolutely right. Years ago, I tried creating “perfect” talks with structured, repeatable frameworks, and honestly? It drained me. I felt boxed in, joyless, and out of sync with my natural creative energy.
These days, I’ve leaned into what truly brings me joy as a speaker. I love sitting down with a blank sheet of paper and approaching each talk as a fresh opportunity, even if the topic is familiar territory. It’s not about replicating past brilliance; it’s about asking, “What am I learning about this right now? What feels alive in this topic today?”
Three Truths About Self-Doubt
Moments like these where doubt creeps in have taught me some important lessons about self-doubt itself. If you’ve found yourself in a similar spiral, maybe these truths will resonate.
- Self-Doubt is Predictable
It loves to rear its head when we’re stretching into something new or daring to grow. Expect it.
- Self-Doubt is Convincing
When it speaks, its voice is loud. This isn’t a whisper in the background; it’s more like a megaphone that tries to drown out all logic.
- Self-Doubt is Not the Truth
No matter how persuasive it seems, self-doubt is a liar. The fact that it showed up usually means you’re closer to stepping into your power than you realize.
Three Ways to Combat Self-Doubt
Just like Vinny shared his polished wisdom, I’ve created my own “two sets of three.” This one is for pulling myself out of those moments of doubt and reconnecting with my purpose.
- Remember Your Why
When doubt takes hold, I come back to my reasons. I speak, write, and coach because I love helping people see the truth about what drives them and their teams. I love sharing stories that crack tough exteriors and make room for vulnerability and growth. That’s my why.
- Take the Next Right Step
It doesn’t have to be big or grand. Sometimes it’s just writing a blog, recording a quick video, or reaching out to someone in my network. Forward motion in any form counts.
- Speak Your Doubts Out Loud
Shame and self-doubt thrive in silence. But when you share them with trusted people who see you clearly, they lose their hold. My wife reminding me of my authentic approach as a speaker was exactly the reframing I needed.
Why It’s Worth It
At its core, my struggle with comparison and self-doubt comes down to wanting my voice to matter. That’s universal, isn’t it? We all want the work we do to make an impact. But no one else can do the work the way you do it.
Yes, Vinny’s approach is polished and magnetic. But mine? It’s more organic, more tailored to the moment. And if I keep trusting that the opportunities will come, I’ll have the chance to show up and deliver something fresh, alive, and uniquely mine.
For anyone reading this who feels stuck doubting yourself, I want to leave you with this reminder. Your voice matters. Your work is valid, and so is your process, even if it looks different than someone else’s.
Take the next right step. Share your doubts with someone who sees you. And above all, remember your why.
Now, what’s the next step you’re going to take to quiet self-doubt and show up fully?