Leadership isn’t just about driving growth or navigating teams through obstacles; sometimes, it’s about helping people carry the invisible burdens they never expected to face. These moments are especially profound in today’s politically and economically troubled times.
With the recent wave of job losses in government positions and the ripple effects those losses create, many
individuals are experiencing feelings of uncertainty, grief, and quiet despair. For some, it’s their spouse or children who are facing sudden unemployment, leaving families to grapple with financial and emotional upheaval. For others, it’s a sense of losing purpose as entire departments dissolve. These challenges can weigh heavily—not just on those directly impacted, but on the workplaces and teams caught in the wider shockwave.
This grief is often undefined. There’s no ceremony or clear path to closure. Instead, it manifests in the quiet loss of stability, security, or the clear future many once envisioned. And just like that, we, as leaders, are called upon to extend more than just job opportunities; we must also extend understanding, compassion, and a willingness to lead through the fog of these unspoken losses.
A Story of Undefined Grief
Recently, I went for a walk with a friend whose wife is battling dementia. His face told a story of sleepless nights and silent battles before he even spoke.
“She looked at me like I was a stranger,” he shared, his voice heavy with disbelief and pain. “I’ve been her husband for over 40 years, and now, most days, she doesn’t even know who I am.”
I listened as he talked about the small daily losses that had reshaped his life. He shared how unrelenting the caregiving had become, how exhausting each day was, and how isolating it felt. And then he said something that hit me hard, because it applies far beyond his personal struggle. “It feels like no one sees what we’re going through. Even I couldn’t find the words for it until just now.”
When he paused, unsure of what to say next, I told him something I firmly believe. “It sounds like you’re grieving, even though your wife is still here.”
His head jerked up, startled. “Grieving?” he repeated.
“Yes,” I said. “It’s what I call undefined grief. She’s alive, but the life you shared is steadily disappearing, and with everything you’re navigating, there’s little time or space to fully process that loss.”
His posture softened as the words landed. Tears welled in his eyes as he slowly nodded. “That’s it,” he whispered. “I’m grieving her… even though she’s still here.”
We stood in silence for a moment, then he admitted, “I don’t know how to process all of this.”
“You start by giving yourself grace,” I suggested. “Sometimes, there’s no solution or neatly packaged resolution,
but naming it? Recognizing it as grief? That’s the first step.”
That conversation stayed with me, not just because of its emotional weight but because undefined grief is so universal. Today, I see similar struggles playing out in the workplace as teams face mounting uncertainties, and individuals try to reconcile changes that have upended their lives.
What Leaders Should Know About Undefined Grief
The term “grieving the living” isn’t limited to caregiving or even the loss of a loved one’s memory. It applies to any profound and life-altering shift where what existed before is slowly eroded. For individuals grappling with government job losses or the instability of a loved one’s career, the grief is palpable—even if unspoken.
Recognizing this is vital because grief doesn’t stop at the workplace door. It affects productivity, focus, morale, and, most importantly, the overall wellbeing of your employees. Here’s what you, as a leader, should focus on to help your team and their families through these challenges.
- Start by Naming It
Just as my friend found clarity when his grief was named, your employees benefit when their silent struggles are acknowledged. Ask your team, “How are you doing—not just professionally, but personally?” Be prepared for honesty, and resist the instinct to fix. Sometimes, simply being seen and validated is the most powerful gift you can give.
- Expand Your Definition of Support
Support goes beyond offering resources like counseling or career transition services, though those are important. It’s also about creating a culture where employees feel comfortable letting you know they’re struggling. This might include bringing in external experts to facilitate conversations about undefined grief or openly sharing your own struggles to normalize vulnerability.
- Focus on Emotional Intelligence
Grief, especially the undefined kind, can be deeply isolating. Leaders with strong emotional intelligence know how to create bridges between their teams and foster trust. Listen actively. Ask compassionate follow-up questions. Understand that emotions don’t follow neat timelines.
- Recognize Stress Multipliers
For some employees, the grief they face may not be their own but tied to their spouse, parent, or child’s experiences. Losing a job, for example, doesn’t just mean financial insecurity. It often means a loss of identity, confidence, or access to future opportunities. Recognizing these ripple effects lets you respond with empathy and agility. Flexible schedules, additional leave, or virtual work arrangements can make a profound difference.
- Lead with Vulnerability
Part of navigating undefined grief, in any circumstance, is acknowledging its omnipresence. By sharing your own uncertainties or difficulties, you encourage your team to do the same. Vulnerability is a reminder that no one on your team is alone in their struggles, and it fosters deeper connections.
Transforming Grief Into Leadership Growth
Leadership during turbulent times isn’t just about solving immediate challenges; it’s about recognizing and preparing for the longer-term emotional toll events take on people’s lives and careers. Like my friend navigating his wife’s illness, many employees and their families are weathering storms within storms. The loss of government positions is more than an economic blow; it’s a personal one that redefines futures, families, and legacies.
By naming grief and fostering space for grace and self-acknowledgment, you can help transform the weight of these experiences into resilience. It’s not about erasing the pain, but about providing a framework for understanding it and moving forward, one unsteady step at a time.
Grief, whether personal or professional, is rarely linear or neat. But by acknowledging its presence within your organization, you can create a culture of compassion, growth, and encouragement. And in doing so, you’ll remind your team that even through the fog of loss, beginnings are possible.
Here’s to your greatness,
Misti Burmeister
Misti Burmeister helps companies and leaders motivate and inspire excellence. For nearly 20 years, she has facilitated communication that results in trust, increasing engagement and productivity across generations. Make sure your communication is coming across the way you intend, visit https://www.MistiBurmeister.com