“People are having trouble knowing where to spend their time.”
I heard this at a recent networking event, and it struck a chord—not just with me, but with everyone in the room. We live in a world overflowing with opportunities, demands, and distractions, leaving many of us feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to direct our energy.
If you’re struggling with this, you’re not alone. The issue often isn’t how much we’re doing, but the way we’re trying to control outcomes so intensely that we lose sight of what truly matters.
Defining your disciplines changes everything. By focusing on consistent, meaningful actions instead of forcing results, you avoid burnout, reduce stress, and make space for the right opportunities to come your way.
This blog explores the difference between pushing and discipline, why it matters, and how to realign your focus to show up for what’s important. If you’re ready to shift from straining to flourishing, keep reading.
From Straining to Flourishing
For the first eight years of my business, I could never have imagined where I’d end up. I focused on showing up fully, networking authentically, writing from the heart, and delivering impactful talks. This approach brought great financial success, and the work I did had clear results.
But when an economic downturn dried up opportunities, I panicked. I started pushing harder, trying to make things happen. I spent thousands of dollars trying to become a “perfect speaker,” doubting whether the skills I already had were good enough. Instead of building relationships and savoring the work I loved, I retreated into my office out of fear.
Fast forward to today, nearly 20 years later, and I’m back to the basics. I’m writing, meeting new people, throwing my hat in the ring for speaking opportunities, and creating a leadership group. The difference now? I’m not chasing results. I’m staying curious about what each day might bring, focusing on my disciplines, and trusting the process.
This shift paved the way for unexpected success. Just last year, an opportunity landed in my lap. To this day, I don’t know how they found me—but the coaching work we’ve done has resulted in their best profit margins and highest team engagement yet. The real magic? I wasn’t pushing or striving for this to happen. I was simply doing what I love and allowing the rest to unfold.
Defining Pushing and Discipline
“Pushing” is what happens when fear or doubt takes the wheel. It’s a relentless pursuit of a specific outcome, often born out of anxiety about missing opportunities or not being enough. Pushing exhausts us because it focuses on forcing results we may not even have control over.
On the other hand, “discipline” is the foundation. It’s about consistently showing up for the work that aligns with your vision and values. Discipline doesn’t depend on external validation or immediate success; it’s the process of planting seeds, tending to them, and trusting that they’ll grow.
Refining Discipline
For me, discipline is about the daily practices that align with my values and bring me closer to the opportunities and work I care about. It looks like writing stories and sharing them with courage and authenticity. It’s
about seeking meaningful connections by asking people I trust and respect to introduce me to others who share those same qualities. I find discipline in showing up for these new meetings with openness and curiosity about what might unfold.
Discipline also extends beyond my work. It’s in exercising daily to keep my body and mind strong, meditating to center myself, and staying connected with the people I love. These habits keep me grounded and ensure I have the focus and energy I need to bring my best self to every moment.
Through these disciplines, opportunities arise naturally—including the chance to help people communicate more effectively, even in the most challenging moments. That’s my vision, but the disciplines are the foundation that make it all possible. By prioritizing the process over the result, I meet each day with presence, energy, and curiosity about what’s to come.
Why Pushing Hurts and Discipline Heals
When you push too hard, you burn out. You pour so much energy into controlling outcomes that you miss meaningful opportunities that might have come your way naturally. One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that the more you grip, the more strained you become, leaving you too exhausted to seize the moments that truly matter.
Discipline allows you to focus on what you can control. By concentrating your energy on the quality of your work, instead of the results, you stay energized, grounded, and open to unexpected opportunities. When you show up fully present and actively engaged, people sense that. They’re drawn to your clarity and confidence, creating a ripple effect of new possibilities.
The Beauty of “Plan Your Plans, But Don’t Plan Your Results
One concept that’s guided me through this distinction is the idea of planning your actions, but not their outcomes. For example, I can plan to deliver a great keynote speech, but I can’t plan for the way the audience will receive it.
This mindset frees me to focus on what I *can* control. My responsibility is not to ensure everyone leaves the room changed; it’s to give my best, create meaningful connections, and allow the audience to take away what they’re ready for. This shift has been liberating—not just for my professional work but also for my personal growth.
Choosing Discipline in Daily Life
Cultivating discipline begins with clarity. Start by identifying the habits and practices that align with your vision. Ask yourself what daily actions will move you closer to your goals, then commit to those without obsessing over how and when success will come. Trust that it will.
For instance, one of my disciplines is meeting people who share my values. Recently, I waited 45 minutes for someone who came highly recommended. Although the meeting didn’t go as planned (most of the conversation was about their personal struggles), I remained grounded and took the opportunity to practice listening. That same week, I got a follow-up call from this person asking me to service their executive coach. Showing up with curiosity instead of fixating on a specific outcome opened the door to something unexpected and valuable.
Advice for Those Struggling to Shift Mindsets
If you’re finding it hard to stop pushing for outcomes and focus on discipline, here’s my advice:
Define Your Disciplines: Get clear about the daily actions that serve your purpose.
Detach From Results: Remind yourself that results are out of your control. Show up consistently, and trust that growth will follow.
Practice Self-Care: Good energy starts with taking care of yourself. Rest, recharge, and believe in your abilities.
Experiment: Think of your efforts as experiments rather than high-stakes attempts. Doing this keeps your curiosity alive and your stress low.
Apply It to Leadership and Teamwork
This distinction isn’t just personal. It’s a game-changer for leadership, teamwork, and growth. Leaders who focus on instilling discipline in their teams instead of overemphasizing outcomes create empowered, supportive environments. Individuals begin to show up fully, experiments drive innovation, and the group thrives as a result.
Remember, we don’t become great by pushing harder. We become great by dedicating ourselves to the work, showing up consistently, and letting the outcomes take care of themselves. Focus on your disciplines, stay curious, and watch everything fall into place.