Leadership is evolving. The old model of “power over”—where control, hierarchy, and compliance reign—no longer serves the dynamic, collaborative environments we need to thrive. Instead, a new paradigm is emerging: “power with.”
This shift isn’t just about leadership style. It’s about how we foster trust, build accountability, and unlock human potential. It’s about creating cultures where people feel seen, heard, and empowered to contribute their best.
But let’s be honest: making this shift is easier said than done. Even the most well-intentioned leaders can slip back into control when stress, deadlines, or uncertainty creep in.
So, what does it really mean to lead with power with instead of power over? And how can we make this shift in our own leadership, teams, and communities?
Defining the Difference
Here’s how I see it:
Power Over is rooted in control. It’s about hierarchy, dominance, and compliance. The energy says: “I decide, you follow. My voice matters most. Your role is to fit into my plan.” It often breeds fear, disconnection, and disengagement.
Power With is rooted in collaboration. It’s about partnership, shared purpose, and collective accountability. The energy says: “We decide together. All voices matter.
We succeed because we contribute.” It breeds trust, ownership, and motivation.
The shift from power over to power with isn’t about relinquishing clarity or responsibility; it’s about expanding possibilities and inviting participation.
When Power Over Shuts Down Possibility
Fresh out of a fellowship with the NIH, I started my first job with a government contractor—interviewing cancer patients and telling their stories. I loved it. I showed up early, stayed late, and felt valued.
But when that contract ended, I was shifted into meeting planning—tasks far from my strengths. I tried to learn, to adapt, but it became clear: I wasn’t thriving there.
So I did what I thought was smart: I studied the company’s history, crafted a presentation, and sought a meeting with the CEO. My hope was simple: if I could demonstrate my initiative, maybe I could switch roles.
At the end, she looked at me and said:
Misti, what did your parents do to deal with you? It’s clear you have problems with anxiety. Do you take medication?
Her words hit like a wall. None of us intended harm, but her choice of power over crushed possibility. She saw her role as the authority rather than the partner.
It’s what control does. It disempowers, narrows options, and signals: “I hold the cards. You don’t.”
When Power With Unlocks Collective Success
Fast forward a few years, I worked with an executive named Bill. His team was struggling, morale was low, and he had missed quotas for three years running.
After coaching him, he had a breakthrough. He openly admitted:
“I can’t turn this around alone. I need your ideas. What am I missing? How can we do this together?”
That simple act of humility transformed everything. Over six months, his team exceeded their targets—because they owned the process, felt heard, and believed in their collective mission.
Power with creates possibility. It builds energy. It turns individual accountability into collective success.
And Even Leaders Slip Back
It’s a human tendency: even with the best intentions, we revert to control.
Earlier this year, I hired someone to handle social media. She was excellent at video editing, but I also needed someone to manage details and processes. Instead of
being honest, I pushed her into a role she wasn’t suited for. It backfired. She left, and I lost valuable skills in the process.
Looking back, I see I defaulted to power over—trying to control or force a situation rather than collaborating around strengths. It was a lesson in recognizing when control is disguising itself as leadership.
Reflection Prompts
To deepen your awareness, take a moment to reflect:
When has someone used power over you? How did it feel physically, emotionally, and mentally?
When have you experienced power with? What shifted in your energy, motivation, or sense of belonging?
Have you caught yourself slipping into power over when you intended to foster power with? What triggered that?
(These questions are also powerful to discuss with your team or peers.)
How Leaders Cultivate Power With
So, how do we translate intention into action? Here are some practical strategies to foster power with:
Anchor in Purpose: When everyone understands why you’re doing something, you don’t need to over-control the how. Purpose aligns energy more effectively than authority ever could.
Share the How, Not Just the What: Set the vision, then invite others to shape the path. This keeps direction clear but opens space for innovation.
Define Roles and Boundaries: Clarify ownership and responsibility—shared power doesn’t mean blurred lines.
Practice Transparency: Explain how input impacts decisions, even when not every idea is used. Respect comes from clarity.
Encourage Dialogue, Not Debate: Ask, “What possibilities are we not seeing?” Opening dialogue expands options and builds trust.
Model Responsibility: Sharing power isn’t abdicating accountability. Leaders own the process; teams co-create the results.
👉 A phrase I often use: “I hold the responsibility for our success, but I can’t see everything alone. Your insights help us succeed together.”
Warning Signs You’re Defaulting to Power Over
It’s not always obvious when control sneaks in. Watch for signs like:
- Cutting people off mid-conversation
- Making all the decisions yourself
- Ignoring feedback or dismissing ideas too quickly
- Over-explaining without inviting questions
- Believing “I’ll be faster if I do it myself”
- When these show up, pause and ask: Am I reaching for control or inviting collaboration?
The Systemic Dimension
This isn’t only an individual challenge—our systems often encourage power over:
Education: teachers deliver answers, students memorize facts
Workplaces: hierarchies where authority flows one-way
Politics: structures designed around dominance
Imagine if we redesigned these systems for power with:
Classrooms of curiosity and co-creation
Workplaces where ownership drives results, not compliance
Politics centered on collaboration, not scoring points
The potential? Engagement rises, innovation flourishes, and trust deepens.
Final Reflection
Leadership isn’t about holding power over others. It’s about creating the conditions where we succeed together.
So I leave you with a question:
👉 In your own leadership or relationships, what would it look like to move one step closer to power with?
Here’s to creating cultures of trust, collaboration, and possibility.
Looking to deepen the conversation?
Misti Burmeister speaks to leaders and teams about trust, communication, and the human dynamics that shape real performance. Her work helps people notice what’s happening beneath the surface—so better decisions, stronger relationships, and healthier cultures can emerge.
If you’re exploring a speaker for an upcoming event, workshop, or retreat, Misti would love to connect.
Reach out: [email protected]
Here’s To Your Greatness,
Misti Burmeister
Misti Burmeister is a dynamic coach and speaker with an unparalleled ability to unlock potential and inspire transformation. Known for her energy, enthusiasm, and passion, Misti awakens thought patterns and fosters meaningful change in individuals and teams alike. With over 20 years of experience, she is celebrated for improving communication, accountability, and personal responsibility across organizations.
Described as a “world-class archeologist” by Captain Ken Barrett, U.S. Navy, Misti excels at uncovering the hidden treasures within every person she interacts with. Her groundbreaking philosophies on two-way communication and personal responsibility are the foundation for lasting success, empowering organizations to achieve extraordinary results