Have You Ever Taken Something Personally That Wasn’t About You?
Before we dive in, if you haven’t already, check out my recent blog, “Will They Appreciate the Real Me?”. It shares a powerful story about choosing authenticity in the face of doubt—a theme that continues in this post.
November 2024. I boarded a plane to Illinois, ready to speak to 500 elected officials about the art of difficult conversations. I’d prepared carefully and felt genuinely excited, even if a touch of nervousness came along for the ride. Then, as the man introducing me stepped onto the stage, a new wave of nerves washed over me.
He cut my introduction by two-thirds. No handshake, no smile, not even eye contact. Just a quick glance, a few rushed words, and he was gone. I stood there, momentarily stunned. It didn’t feel like a warm handoff; it felt dismissive.
But in that moment, I recalled something a mentor had told me just the day before. She said, “Everyone on this planet is just trying to figure out how to be OK being who they are. Why don’t you show them how to do it?”
Her words grounded me. I turned away from the introducer and focused on the audience. I stepped fully into being me, sharing my stories unapologetically, challenging the room, finding humor, and leaning into authenticity. The energy in the room shifted. By the end of the talk, books had sold out, and attendees lined up for nearly two hours to share their stories, take pictures, and connect.
It became one of my most successful moments, not because of the introduction I received—but because I refused to be defined by it.
A Familiar Scenario
A few months later, I faced the same situation. This time, I was speaking to a group of women in business. The introducer was someone I knew and deeply respected. Yet, once again, there was no handshake, no physical connection, and she walked off the stage before I could walk on.
This time, though, I responded differently. I didn’t take it personally. I realized her actions weren’t about me at all. They stemmed from what she understood as her role in the moment.
But instead of letting it slide, I quickly caught her, gave her a hug, and said, “Thank you!” before turning to begin my talk.
Later, I shared the Illinois story with the group and reflected on what I’d learned. I reminded them—as I reminded
myself—that these moments weren’t about my gender, my identity, or my value. They reflected the understanding or limitations of the other person, not who I was.
That realization brought me back to one of Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements: Don’t Take Anything Personally.
What others say or do is a reflection of them—their fears, biases, or limitations—not us. When we take things personally, we give away our power, allowing others to dictate our worth. But our power doesn’t live out there, tied to others’ approval. It lives within us. It’s steady. It’s unshakable. And when we reject external definitions, we reclaim it and give ourselves permission to show up fully, boldly, and authentically.
I’ve learned this truth firsthand. The warmth or validation I desire doesn’t come from others or perfect moments. It lives within me. By standing firmly in my truth, I create trust and connection—not because of someone else’s actions, but because of how I choose to show up.
Reject the Illusion of Power
This lesson reminds me of the Wizard in Wicked. For all his grandeur and authority, his power was nothing but illusion. He relied on smoke, mirrors, and the perceptions of others to maintain control. At his core, he was powerless.
The Wizard’s story is a cautionary tale. If we build our self-worth on others’ perceptions or external validation, we end up just like him. Hollow. Dependent. Controlled. True power doesn’t live in illusions or approval. It lives inside us, waiting to be claimed by how we define ourselves from the inside out.
A Simple, Unshakable Truth
A few days after that talk, a woman approached me to share an insight. She said, “Misti, the moment you start
speaking, I feel at ease. You create connection without needing anything extra at all.”
Her words stuck with me. For so long, I’d assumed that connection required flawless introductions, acknowledgment from others, or perfect circumstances. But the truth was simpler than I realized. Connection came, not from external gestures, but from the way I showed up. From being fully me.
Authenticity is the foundation of real impact. It turns out, we never needed the smoke or mirrors.
Be You and Trust It’s Enough
Whether you’re stepping onto a stage, starting a new role, or navigating life’s twists and turns, remember this: the only definition that matters is the one you give yourself.
The world will try to convince you that you’re not enough. It will try to mold you into what it thinks you should be. But the greatest impact we have comes when we stop letting others define us and choose to live fully, from the inside out.
What might shift in your life if you trusted that who you are, right now, is already enough?
Here’s To Your Greatness,
Misti Burmeister
Misti Burmeister has been solving people problems and empowering leaders for nearly 20 years, increasing engagement and productivity across generations. Help your team reach its highest potential at https://www.MistiBurmeister.com