It was the morning of July 24th, and I was out for my usual morning walk when I bumped into my friend Chip and his wife. “What do you think about the turn of events?” I asked Chip, referring to Joe Biden pulling out of the race. 

“Don’t get me started with politics,” he said, launching into why he believed Kamala Harris would be a terrible presidential candidate. 

I really like Chip and value his perspective, so I continued asking questions to better understand what was concerning him. I hadn’t done much research on Harris and was genuinely curious. Of course, curiosity wasn’t the only driving force behind my questions. I was also feeling significant concern regarding the potential outcome of this election. Given the unprecedented situation of a president stepping out of the race for reelection, and despite my strong beliefs and urge to get him to see my point, I channeled my words into questions and focused on fully hearing his responses. 

When Chip paused, I asked, “Do you think Kamala will hurt our country?” 

“Well, no,” he replied. 

“Do you think Trump will hurt our country?” I asked next. 

After a moment, he detailed his fears about Harris as president. Again, I resisted judging or sharing my under-researched opinions, and just listened. When it was time to part ways, we hugged, and I thanked him for his insights. 

A few hours later, I received a text message from Chip: 

“Great talking with you this morning. I hope I didn’t leave you with the impression that I am some crazy Trumper. I am very disappointed in my party that they don’t have the guts to pick someone else. For the first time since I turned 18, I may not cast a vote for president.” 

Later, in a voice text, I shared my concerns about the election. I talked about the importance of staying open-minded and striving to understand different viewpoints. 

“I couldn’t care less about the gender or race of our president, as I believe most Americans feel the same,” Chip texted back. 

I called him immediately. “I want to be clear,” I said, “I am not trying to put words into your mouth. I respect your perspective and value our friendship.” 

“I do too,” he said, sighing, and then voiced more concerns about the state of our country. The more I listened, the more I realized we both want the same goodness for our nation. If I’m not right and he’s not wrong, there’s room for us to learn from each other. This conversation, rooted in both/and thinking rather than either/or, deepened our friendship by allowing us to recognize our shared goals. This newfound awareness dissolved my judgments and strengthened our bond. 

Ultimately, navigating our hard conversations with an open heart and mind can lead to profound understanding and stronger relationships. By embracing both/and thinking, we create a space where differing perspectives coexist and enrich our collective wisdom. Let’s commit to listening deeply, recognizing our shared humanity, and allowing our curiosity to dissolve judgments. Together, we can cultivate a culture of empathy and mutual respect, ultimately contributing to a more united and compassionate world. Stay open, stay curious, and let’s build bridges through our conversations. 

Three Key Strategies for Mastering Tough Conversations

  1. Pause and Reflect:
    Don’t speak when you’re reacting. Take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts before responding. This helps prevent emotional reactions and ensures your response is thoughtful, generous, and kind. 
  2. Ask Questions and Listen:
    Channel your words into questions. Instead of making statements, ask open-ended questions to understand the other person’s perspective. Focus on fully hearing their responses without interrupting or judging. 
  3. Embrace Both/And Thinking:
    Recognize shared goals and common ground. Approach the conversation with the mindset that both perspectives can coexist. This helps dissolve judgments and fosters a deeper understanding and stronger relationship. 

P.S. I have found Jessica Yellen’s “News Not Noise” newsletter to be simple, fact-based, and easy to digest.

Here’s to your greatness,

Misti Burmeister

Misti Burmeister helps companies and leaders motivate and inspire excellence. For nearly 20 years, she has facilitated communication that results in trust, increasing engagement and productivity across generations. Make sure your communication is coming across the way you intend, visit https://www.MistiBurmeister.com