Recently, I found myself thrust into an unexpected interview scenario that profoundly underscored the value of genuine connection. While I knew that Janet—the head of human resources—was on the lookout for a coach, I was completely in the dark about the specifics: why she needed a coach and who in her organization would benefit. To my surprise, this seemingly routine call turned into an interview for a great opportunity—to coach the COO.
Curiosity and Skepticism: The 30-Minute Call
When Janet booked a 30-minute call, I was curious but also a bit skeptical. “Hmmm… interesting… I wonder
how much we can learn about each other in just 30 minutes,” I thought. I assumed she’d put extra time on her schedule in case we found a real connection and wanted to delve deeper. To be on the safe side, I blocked an hour on my calendar.
As the call commenced, it quickly became clear that Janet was tightly guarding her time. We extended slightly beyond the 30 minutes, but only to briefly discuss a mutual connection. Despite her tight schedule, I sensed she wanted to engage more meaningfully but felt constrained by time and perhaps a need to remain guarded.
Fostering Understanding Over Transactions
This experience got me thinking about a simple idea to attract (and ultimately retain and engage) employees: Focus on relating during the interview process. Like Janet, many hiring managers are limited on time, and yet they waste precious minutes on transactional questions when they could be fostering understanding. If you’re going to be spending your workdays with these people, why not get to know them beyond their résumé before hiring them? To understand and bond with potential colleagues, we must lower our defenses and genuinely get to know each other.
The Imbalance of Knowledge and Leadership Insight
During our conversation, it quickly became apparent that she expected me to possess detailed knowledge about her company—which, of course, I did. However, she knew very little about me. This imbalance highlighted a crucial point: our true power in leadership doesn’t reside in our checkbooks; it lies in our ability to relate to, inspire, and encourage one another. These elements form the bedrock of effective leadership and coaching, necessitating time, vulnerability, and a willingness to open up. I cannot help but wonder if this transactional approach is at the core of the challenges the company is facing, especially given the number of acquisitions currently being made.
Strategies for Meaningful Interviews:
- Focus on Relational Aspects in Interviews: If you’re short on time, keep your transactional questions to email and reserve precious interview time for relational aspects by asking meaningful questions. During this interview, Janet used precious time asking me questions that could have been answered via email, like “Are you a certified coach?” The interview should be focused on getting to know the person behind the résumé.
- Allow Time for Small Talk: Small talk allows both parties to establish a feeling of connection and trust, which sets the tone for collaboration down the road. During our call, I noticed Janet was sitting in a gamer chair. I pointed it out because it seemed unusual for someone in her position. My wife produces video games, and it could have been a lot of fun to use that point of reference to get to know each other better. Such small moments can build rapport and ease future interactions.
- Mutual Research Equals Mutual Respect: If you expect your candidate to have done research on you and your company, it’s only fair to reciprocate by researching them. This mutual respect communicates that you value them as a potential team member. Who doesn’t want to work on a team where they feel respected and valued?
Coaching and Leadership: Beyond the Surface
Coaching, much like leadership, is about delving beneath the surface. It’s more about relating and less about transacting. It requires caring enough to be vulnerable, which naturally demands more time and involves greater risk. Yet, this is precisely why so few leaders truly excel in it. Transforming transactions into meaningful relationships is where genuine engagement begins. So, why not initiate this transformation from the very first touchpoint?
A Call to Action: Prioritize Relating from the Outset
This experience has reinforced my belief that fostering genuine connections is essential, not just in coaching but in all forms of leadership. It’s a call to action for all of us to prioritize relating from the outset. Let’s take the time to learn about each other, beyond the immediate transaction, and build relationships that inspire and empower.
Isn’t it essential to uncover what our future teammates enjoy outside of work, to see the person beyond the
professional façade? By embracing vulnerability and taking the time to understand one another, we can build relationships that are both meaningful and enduring. So, next time you find yourself in an interview or any initial interaction, remember to let down your guard, take the time to connect, and discover the true potential of meaningful engagement.
Here’s to your greatness,
Misti Burmeister
Misti Burmeister helps companies and leaders motivate and inspire excellence. For nearly 20 years, she has facilitated communication that results in trust, increasing engagement and productivity across generations. Make sure your communication is coming across the way you intend, visit https://www.MistiBurmeister.com